Tag Archive | Jesus

So, why do I consider myself an atheist (part 2)

Part 1

It is very difficult to convey all of the emotions and thoughts which went along that period of my life. I think that was the closest I’ve ever been to being “insane.” I still couldn’t tell the entire story to my parents. How would they understand how ultimately “evil” their child was, or so I thought. To a degree, the abuse made a sort-of twisted logic and fed into the idea that I deserved it. It made sense in terms of the abuse I received, and it made sense “theologically” too. I started to search for answers among my fellow Christians (at that time). I prayed the sinner’s prayer with other born-again Christians a few times (I meant it with all the faith I could muster). I remember calling Silent Unity to pray on a regular basis. I thought if I would be born-again, then God would love me again. I was anointed with oil, a sacrament for the sick. It is a Christian truism that if God doesn’t answer your prayer than he would make you strong enough to endure whatever trial befell you. To an extent, I agreed, but my trials were getting harder and harder. Read More…

So, why do I consider myself an atheist (part 1)

The reasons I’m going to give are not necessarily philosophical although I’ve encountered the “problem of evil” “the problem of hell” essentially on my own. Rather, my OCD latched on to these problems and caused a great deal of pain in trying to resolve them. Let’s start at the beginning.

I was raised Roman Catholic (RCC) on my mother’s side. I have been baptized, and confirmed. I used to go to church and confession. I used to enjoy reading the homilies on my own as I did find them interesting as stories and narratives of some type of truth. I looked to these stories as how is God trying to help me understand them. I used to pray quite a bit. I would even venture a guess that it may have been a compulsion, but I didn’t always pray out of guilt or anxiety. For the most part, I thought of God as Read More…